There is a huge cedar tree near our house with a massive eagle's nest in it. Yesterday, we went for a walk and saw the two that live in the tree circling around in an amazing storm. The wind was up, the water was a beautiful dark navy blue with big whitecaps on it (I'd have taken a picture, but the batteries on the camera died) and the eagles were out. I'm amazed at how high they can fly. Most of the other birds were hiding away, waiting out the storm, but these two just seemed to be having the time of their lives.I read a book this last week about a Christian couple, married over twenty years who were planning to get divorced. They just couldn't make it work anymore. He was on the brink of an affair, and she was just completely uninterested in his life anymore, except that he didn't pick up his socks, or help with the kids, or try to be affectionate.
A while back, a wonderful Christian couple I knew and respected went through one of the most horrible break-ups I've ever heard of. I thought my parents divorce was bad: not compared to this. I mourned for them, and quickly ran into the bedroom to sound my emotional breakdown off Peter, who was sick in bed, and said, "Honey, we're doomed. One of us is going to cheat, or screw this up, or we'll just stop caring and everything will fall apart. If they can't do it, make their marriage work, nobody can." I was so upset. In a very Peter-like fashion he said to me, "Melanie, do you really think that they just woke up one morning and threw their marriage away? They've likely been throwing their marriage away for years, in a million little ways all the time. We are going to work as hard as we can to avoid the million little ways to damage a marriage, and we'll never have to worry about the huge issues. We're going to concentrate really hard on the little things, figure out what they are, talk about them, and avoid them at any and all costs. And no, we're not doomed, we're going to make it. Promise."
The couple in my book was a lesson to me in all the little things you can do to hurt your relationship with your spouse in a million little ways. He forgot a few times to say how much he appreciated her for the little things until he stopped completely. He was a football coach, and she stopped coming to his games because it was too much to fit into her busy schedule. They lost each other, one small decision at a time. They couldn't figure out how they'd arrived where they were, and both thought it was the fault of their spouse and then became so proud and angry that they couldn't even have a conversation. Finally, mere days before they were about to sign the divorce papers, he found a report his son had written about Eagles, and through it, God changed his heart and showed him his part in the trouble they were in. He repented to his wife, and in doing so, softened her heart, and they sought God together and he did a miracle in their lives. Yeah I know, mushy cheesy Christian novel. But here's what I found out...
Did you know that the Eagle, who is often seen as one of the proudest birds, is actually very humble, in a bird-like way. They only eat what is nutritious to them, not like Seagulls, or other birds who eat almost anything. If they happen to eat something that is bad for them, they fly to the highest rock they can find, and they lay themselves on it "spread eagle" and wait until the sun is able to soak the poison from their system. They don't move until they're well again. They're also the only birds that actually realize that flying in storms strengthens them. Like we saw yesterday, they do not hide from storms like other birds; they use them, knowing that storms are valuable in the strength that fighting them provides.
Here's the most amazing thing of all: When selecting a mate, a female Eagle will fly as high as she possibly can and turn herself on her back and free fall straight for the ground. The male Eagle then flies above her, dives to reach her and grabs her talons with his. Then he pulls with all his might, trying to save her from certain death. Moments before they hit the ground, if he's hung on to the point that she knows he would actually die for her, she pulls up. At the last possible second, they both soar upwards, circle each other in a kind of dance, and from that point on, they are mated for life.
What an amazing picture of how we are supposed to love each other. The female lets the male fight for her, though the free fall goes against every natural instinct she has. The male latches on to the female until he proves to her that he would literally die for her. Once this is firmly established, only then are the joined for life. For all my married friends and family, and for me, I pray that God gives us time with our spouses, a moment away from all the busyness to concentrate on each other. I pray he gives us wisdom in seeing the little things a long way off, so that big things never arise to separate us. I pray that God really will bless us in all that we do together, and protect our families. I'm constantly amazed at the very little divorce in our family. Grandma and Grandpa raised some pretty incredible kids and have set such an example for us. Somehow, in looking at them, I'm sure that Peter and I are going to make it, and carry on a legacy of commitment and love and honoring others to our kids the same way Grandma and Grandpa passed it to my mom, who passed it to me. What an amazing thing to have outlive you, the knowledge to future generations that you loved your spouse with everything you had, and that God was faithful to you, and will be faithful to them also, "showing love to a thousand generations of those who fear Him".
