There have been a few questions lately as to what exactly Peter and I are up to right now.
"Wait, you're where?"
"What did I miss?"
"What's going on with you guys?"
The short answer is that the short answer has never fit into a Facebook status so I never really put it there. I am sorry if you felt blindsided that suddenly we were leaving. But if you're curious, or interested, or just nosy (like I am), then here's what's up with us.
Peter and I met doing full time ministry. We were working with YWAM, were living in Hawaii, and spending our lives on something we really believed in. The plan was to get married, take six months to a year off and then head back. But we never went back. We went to Wyoming to spend time with his family for our first year, and then when we had immigration troubles, we knew we had to get that sorted out before we could do anything else, so we did. And suddenly before we knew it, 11 years had passed and two children had arrived.
The plan was always to go back into full time ministry in some way. Missions, church planting, something else. As the years went by it became less and less clear what exactly we wanted, what we felt like we could or should do with our lives. Our schedules were ridiculous. Shaw is shift work, and Peter's schedule changed every four weeks. For 8 years. Many of those years were spent working split shifts. 9-1, and then 5-9. If he stayed on splits then his schedule wouldn't change, only his days off would, so it was a hit we took for some semblance of continuity in our life. But after Emma arrived, it just wasn't working. I was working nights and homeschooling during the day. Peter was on splits because it was thee only thing that worked for our childcare. We averaged 4 days off together every two months.
We were unhappy. It's one thing if you're making huge sacrifices because you're doing what you love or at least something that speaks to you in some way, but we weren't doing that. Here's a confession. Peter couldn't possibly care less whether or not your UFC pay-per-view fight comes in clearly. Especially if you're calling him while drunk on a Saturday night when he's missing his kids and wife. Just saying.
We've been talking for our entire marriage about what it would look like to stop. To do something that mattered to us. We're not ungrateful. We had good jobs in a bad job market and we provided for our family. But we didn't feel like we were getting to be a family. Our dissatisfaction was manifesting in other ways that weren't healthy for us. Nothing was seriously wrong (honestly, we didn't see each other enough to be having serious problems), but the cracks were starting to show.
Last summer I sent Peter to see his dad to take some time away from everything and think and pray about what he wanted. When he came home, I asked him, "Let's play the stupid lottery game. We win 50 million dollars tomorrow, how do you want to spend your life? What do you want to do first?"
"I'd want to take a minute to think about it."
I suppose that's the short answer as to what we're up to. We desperately needed a minute. We needed some time to be a family. We need to go camping. We need a second to think about what it would look like now to completely change how we've been living for the last decade, and how to do that with kids. So since last summer we've been planning the logistics of quitting our whole life so we can have some time to think and pray about what we are supposed to be doing with ourselves. Maybe it's YWAM again, maybe it's going back to school, maybe it's coming back in a few months and getting a different job. We are, quite literally, open to anything.
It's obviously a little late to try and decide what we want to be when we grow up, and a little early for us to have a mid-life crisis, but there it is.
We also really wanted our girls to have some time with Peter's side of the family. We haven't seen each other in 16 months. So we talked to them, and to my family, and the tentative plan came out as follows:
Peter and I both quit our jobs.
We downsize the amount of crap we own significantly.
We pay off any unsecured debt completely.
We use our savings account to have 4-6 weeks off as a family.
Peter gets a part-time job while we have very few expenses and that money all goes to savings.
We spend six months in Wyoming staying with Peter's mom and dad to pray and rest. We work on our marriage, our relationships with our girls, our relationship with God.
The obvious next question is, "what happens after six months?"
We don't know yet. This was kind of a big scary leap of faith for us. It was HARD for Peter to quit. He is a good provider for the girls and I. He's a hard worker. But he's been so unhappy, and it's torture watching someone you love struggle like that.
I've been so overwhelmed. If you're a mom who homeschools and works, I think you're a superhero. I don't see how it can be done effectively. I can't do it effectively. That's hard for me to admit, but I wasn't keeping those balls in the air. Not at all. I wasn't being a great mom, a great wife, a great teacher to Bella, or a great employee. Let's not even think about housework. I felt guilty and anxious every moment. My mental health was beginning to slip, and then it began to slip some more. I felt like I was drowning.
There's a verse in Isaiah that's been rattling around my head for a few years now:
So that's what we are trying to do. To listen. We'd appreciate your prayers during this time. I'll be blogging more - I actually just got a guest spot writing on an amazing education blog I follow, which came right out of left field for me, and I'm excited about that. Pray for Peter to get the right job while we're here, for the girls to handle this transition well (they're doing amazing so far), for grace and blessing for Peter's family while they host us (they're being beyond gracious to us) and grace for my family who are missing our girls terribly.
Feel free to message me on Facebook or e mail me. If you have an iPhone you can still text me. We'll try and keep everyone updated on what's up with us, but for right now, the short answer is, "we're not sure yet."
"Wait, you're where?"
"What did I miss?"
"What's going on with you guys?"
The short answer is that the short answer has never fit into a Facebook status so I never really put it there. I am sorry if you felt blindsided that suddenly we were leaving. But if you're curious, or interested, or just nosy (like I am), then here's what's up with us.
Peter and I met doing full time ministry. We were working with YWAM, were living in Hawaii, and spending our lives on something we really believed in. The plan was to get married, take six months to a year off and then head back. But we never went back. We went to Wyoming to spend time with his family for our first year, and then when we had immigration troubles, we knew we had to get that sorted out before we could do anything else, so we did. And suddenly before we knew it, 11 years had passed and two children had arrived.
The plan was always to go back into full time ministry in some way. Missions, church planting, something else. As the years went by it became less and less clear what exactly we wanted, what we felt like we could or should do with our lives. Our schedules were ridiculous. Shaw is shift work, and Peter's schedule changed every four weeks. For 8 years. Many of those years were spent working split shifts. 9-1, and then 5-9. If he stayed on splits then his schedule wouldn't change, only his days off would, so it was a hit we took for some semblance of continuity in our life. But after Emma arrived, it just wasn't working. I was working nights and homeschooling during the day. Peter was on splits because it was thee only thing that worked for our childcare. We averaged 4 days off together every two months.
We were unhappy. It's one thing if you're making huge sacrifices because you're doing what you love or at least something that speaks to you in some way, but we weren't doing that. Here's a confession. Peter couldn't possibly care less whether or not your UFC pay-per-view fight comes in clearly. Especially if you're calling him while drunk on a Saturday night when he's missing his kids and wife. Just saying.
We've been talking for our entire marriage about what it would look like to stop. To do something that mattered to us. We're not ungrateful. We had good jobs in a bad job market and we provided for our family. But we didn't feel like we were getting to be a family. Our dissatisfaction was manifesting in other ways that weren't healthy for us. Nothing was seriously wrong (honestly, we didn't see each other enough to be having serious problems), but the cracks were starting to show.
Last summer I sent Peter to see his dad to take some time away from everything and think and pray about what he wanted. When he came home, I asked him, "Let's play the stupid lottery game. We win 50 million dollars tomorrow, how do you want to spend your life? What do you want to do first?"
"I'd want to take a minute to think about it."
I suppose that's the short answer as to what we're up to. We desperately needed a minute. We needed some time to be a family. We need to go camping. We need a second to think about what it would look like now to completely change how we've been living for the last decade, and how to do that with kids. So since last summer we've been planning the logistics of quitting our whole life so we can have some time to think and pray about what we are supposed to be doing with ourselves. Maybe it's YWAM again, maybe it's going back to school, maybe it's coming back in a few months and getting a different job. We are, quite literally, open to anything.
It's obviously a little late to try and decide what we want to be when we grow up, and a little early for us to have a mid-life crisis, but there it is.
We also really wanted our girls to have some time with Peter's side of the family. We haven't seen each other in 16 months. So we talked to them, and to my family, and the tentative plan came out as follows:
Peter and I both quit our jobs.
We downsize the amount of crap we own significantly.
We pay off any unsecured debt completely.
We use our savings account to have 4-6 weeks off as a family.
Peter gets a part-time job while we have very few expenses and that money all goes to savings.
We spend six months in Wyoming staying with Peter's mom and dad to pray and rest. We work on our marriage, our relationships with our girls, our relationship with God.
The obvious next question is, "what happens after six months?"
We don't know yet. This was kind of a big scary leap of faith for us. It was HARD for Peter to quit. He is a good provider for the girls and I. He's a hard worker. But he's been so unhappy, and it's torture watching someone you love struggle like that.
I've been so overwhelmed. If you're a mom who homeschools and works, I think you're a superhero. I don't see how it can be done effectively. I can't do it effectively. That's hard for me to admit, but I wasn't keeping those balls in the air. Not at all. I wasn't being a great mom, a great wife, a great teacher to Bella, or a great employee. Let's not even think about housework. I felt guilty and anxious every moment. My mental health was beginning to slip, and then it began to slip some more. I felt like I was drowning.
There's a verse in Isaiah that's been rattling around my head for a few years now:
"Why do you spend your money for what is not bread and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance."
So that's what we are trying to do. To listen. We'd appreciate your prayers during this time. I'll be blogging more - I actually just got a guest spot writing on an amazing education blog I follow, which came right out of left field for me, and I'm excited about that. Pray for Peter to get the right job while we're here, for the girls to handle this transition well (they're doing amazing so far), for grace and blessing for Peter's family while they host us (they're being beyond gracious to us) and grace for my family who are missing our girls terribly.
Feel free to message me on Facebook or e mail me. If you have an iPhone you can still text me. We'll try and keep everyone updated on what's up with us, but for right now, the short answer is, "we're not sure yet."
9:55 AM
It's good stuff what you folks are doing. God's Spirit searches the earth looking for people who's hearts are turned towards God. That's somewhere, I forget the book. So God bless sister as your family seeks God's face. You won't regret it :)
We love you :)
10:30 AM
What an amazing leap of faith you are taking. So excited for your family and where God takes you! We were created for so much more than the state of life you were describing, looking forward to keeping up on your adventure!
5:34 PM
I'm so happy for you guys. I have been contemplating the very same thing. Waiting on God's timing regarding matters, but no longer willing to live just to make wages for things that don't satisfy...I want to serve Him and to hear His direction, because I have believed for a long time now, that His plans are so much different than my "this right now." Thanks for sharing and having the courage to step out of the rut. God bless your journey. Love, Tanya PS...you still were and are an amazing mom, wife, teacher...
5:35 PM
I'm so happy for you guys. I have been contemplating the very same thing. Waiting on God's timing regarding matters, but no longer willing to live just to make wages for things that don't satisfy...I want to serve Him and to hear His direction, because I have believed for a long time now, that His plans are so much different than my "this right now." Thanks for sharing and having the courage to step out of the rut. God bless your journey. Love, Tanya PS...you still were and are an amazing mom, wife, teacher...