Last year, mommy sat in front of her Christmas tree and cried. I had been waiting for you for so long, and I felt a little hole in my heart where I knew you fit. I was afraid that hole would always be there, that you may never come.
I prayed that next Christmas I would cuddle your little sleeping body next to the tree. That's all I wanted in the whole world. I wanted you.
Sometimes when I look at you I just can't believe you exist. I can't believe how beautiful and sweet life can be, now that you're here. Falling in love with you is the most amazing, incredible feeling I've ever felt. When you wake up in the morning next to me (though we're trying really hard to get you to sleep in your own bed) and you open your big dark eyes, see my face, and smile as big as you can, I feel like nobody on earth could ever be as happy as I am. When I'm trying to sleep and I can hear you squealing and talking to Daddy, I just can't help but laugh a little, and get up, and come see what you're up to. I love to watch you learn things, and to see you get so excited when you figure out how to reach up and grab your little kitty on your playmat so that he'll sing a little song. I don't think I've ever understood the beauty of God's creation until I saw you. There were glimpses of it when I saw mountains, or the ocean during a storm, but never like this. I can't believe he created you. That your little fingers wrap around mine, that you fit perfectly in my arms, that your lungs breathe in and out, you blink, you smile. It's amazing to me just to watch you live, sleep, kick your little legs. Every movement you make feels like a miracle.
More than anything though, I love to hold you when you sleep. I love to feel your little hand crawling up the front of my shirt to find my skin, and when it rests there, you sigh and you completely relax. I love that you snuggle. I'm completely addicted to the smell of you, it's nearly narcotic. I could inhale you until I go dizzy from it. When you sleep, I close my eyes, and put my face in your neck, where I can feel your soft hair touching my cheek and breathe you in. I try not to think that one day you will be too big for me to do this. That one day, you won't need me to go to sleep. So I think of things we'll do then, that we can't do now. Play. Cook. Horseback ride. Read. When I think of you being able to wrap your arms around my neck, to hear you say you love me and Daddy, then I'm okay with you getting bigger. I can't wait for those days.
For now, we spend hours each day on our rocker, snuggling. And last night, your Daddy and I set up our Christmas tree. When you saw it all lit up, you smiled so big! And when we were all done, Daddy sat next to me, I wrapped you in a nice warm blanket, and rocked you to sleep. And I sat there and realized that I got my Christmas wish. I got you. And you're safe, and beautiful, and so desperately sweet. You've made our lives so incredibly wonderful, it's hard to know what to want for Christmas this year.
I love you so very much, my darling baby girl. So much.
I prayed that next Christmas I would cuddle your little sleeping body next to the tree. That's all I wanted in the whole world. I wanted you.
Sometimes when I look at you I just can't believe you exist. I can't believe how beautiful and sweet life can be, now that you're here. Falling in love with you is the most amazing, incredible feeling I've ever felt. When you wake up in the morning next to me (though we're trying really hard to get you to sleep in your own bed) and you open your big dark eyes, see my face, and smile as big as you can, I feel like nobody on earth could ever be as happy as I am. When I'm trying to sleep and I can hear you squealing and talking to Daddy, I just can't help but laugh a little, and get up, and come see what you're up to. I love to watch you learn things, and to see you get so excited when you figure out how to reach up and grab your little kitty on your playmat so that he'll sing a little song. I don't think I've ever understood the beauty of God's creation until I saw you. There were glimpses of it when I saw mountains, or the ocean during a storm, but never like this. I can't believe he created you. That your little fingers wrap around mine, that you fit perfectly in my arms, that your lungs breathe in and out, you blink, you smile. It's amazing to me just to watch you live, sleep, kick your little legs. Every movement you make feels like a miracle.
More than anything though, I love to hold you when you sleep. I love to feel your little hand crawling up the front of my shirt to find my skin, and when it rests there, you sigh and you completely relax. I love that you snuggle. I'm completely addicted to the smell of you, it's nearly narcotic. I could inhale you until I go dizzy from it. When you sleep, I close my eyes, and put my face in your neck, where I can feel your soft hair touching my cheek and breathe you in. I try not to think that one day you will be too big for me to do this. That one day, you won't need me to go to sleep. So I think of things we'll do then, that we can't do now. Play. Cook. Horseback ride. Read. When I think of you being able to wrap your arms around my neck, to hear you say you love me and Daddy, then I'm okay with you getting bigger. I can't wait for those days.
For now, we spend hours each day on our rocker, snuggling. And last night, your Daddy and I set up our Christmas tree. When you saw it all lit up, you smiled so big! And when we were all done, Daddy sat next to me, I wrapped you in a nice warm blanket, and rocked you to sleep. And I sat there and realized that I got my Christmas wish. I got you. And you're safe, and beautiful, and so desperately sweet. You've made our lives so incredibly wonderful, it's hard to know what to want for Christmas this year.
I love you so very much, my darling baby girl. So much.
2:37 PM
Grandma and Grandpa think you are pretty amazing too and thank God for the miracle he has brought into our lives. We love you so much!!
9:22 PM
This is beautiful Mel. I am so glad you got your Christmas wish!
9:46 AM
Ohhhhhhhhh! I know I've said this lots, but I'm just so so so happy for you and your little family! I'm getting all teary.
10:27 AM
What a beautiful tribute to God's amazing blessing. She is so fortunate to have been placed in your family, to have such amazing parents. Have a very happy Christmas Mel and Peter. And of course little Bella, too.
4:28 PM
I love to sniff her too. She makes me pretty dang happy! I love to cuddle her. Part of me can't wait until she's old enough to come over for sleepovers and come shopping with me but I will be sad that this phase is over cause I think it's pretty great.
I love my little Munchie