It's hard to describe, without a two page blog (not beneath me, but not necessary right now), all that's been going on lately. It feels like everything is changing, and a lot of that change is scary, and it's hard to see the big picture right now, and to believe that God has control over it all. Sometimes, without really thinking about it, I think he's up in Heaven wringing his hands, worrying how my life will work out. I know he's not doing that, but the little problems that can sweep in and consume my thoughts, sometimes seem hard to deal with since I don't feel like I have the whole picture. I forget sometimes, that I do have the whole picture. I know the end of this story. Not to make it sound too trite, because that's not how my problems appear to me right now; they seem insurmountable, but really, at the end of the day, God comes through for me and always has. And the end of the story is in the Bible, and I know that it's all going to be okay, even though it doesn't feel like it.Another great artist I've found, is Jill Phillips who is pretty incredible, and has some really beautiful songs out. Go to this page and listen to the song "Never Let Me Down". I've copied the lyrics here.
I guess I learned the hard way
This world can’t give me what I need
Even though the house I built on sand
Was swallowed by the sea
You never let me down
You never let me down
You never let me down
You never let me down
Sometimes I think I’ll only be content
With things that money buys
Its like trying to squeeze water from a stone
It will not provide
You never let me down
You never let me down
You never let me down
You never let me down
You might let me cry
You might let me sing
You might let me feel a fraction of your suffering
(You might let me share your suffering)
But you won’t let me down
You never let me down
If I could just stop striving
And surrender to your holy power
I know your loving arms will lift me up
And never let me down
You never let me down
I love the theology displayed here. It's awesome. This is who God says he is, regardless of what I'm going through. I love it. On the same page, the song "By A Thread" is more where I feel like I'm at now, and that's okay too, God understands that I'm human, that some days I'm just going to be tired, and sad and discouraged.
I can’t help but feel like there’s something missing
I feel the same old truth but this time its not convincing
All your promises
Are hard to swallow when
I’m hanging on by a thread
I still believe every word you said
But I can’t get it down from my heart to my head
I remember the story about someone who needed
Help with his unbelief even when he believed it
You didn’t come to heal
The ones who never feel
They’re hanging on by a thread
I still believe every word you said
But I can’t get it down to my heart to my head
I need you to make a connection
Make a connection please
Its foolishness to hide
You must know that I am
Hanging on by a thread
I still believe every word you said
But I can’t get it down, down, down
I’m hanging on by a thread
I still believe every word you said
But I can’t get it down from my heart to my head
Down from my heart to my head
I love the line, "It's foolishness to hide, you must know that I am..." I forget that God knows me better than I do. He already knows that I'm scared, admitting it to him doesn't surprise him or make him disappointed in me, quite the contrary, I think he wants us to be honest with him, no matter where we're at. What kind of a marriage would I have if I only ever talked to Peter when I felt wonderful and great, and happy. None. What I love about our relationship is that it doesn't change based on how we feel. God is the same. He wants me to come to him with all of it, even when I'm angry at him. David did it; read the Psalms. Sometimes I find that God most speaks to me when I'm honest with him about exactly where I'm at, because that is true humility. Being able to be really known for exactly what you are and where you're at, both good and bad, and be willing to surrender it all.
Something I've really felt God saying to me lately, in a lot of areas, is that I need to trade in my version of reality. What if God showed up and told me, that although my experience in this world has taught me that if I touch something hot, I will burn my hand, that that was no longer true? What would I do? Belief is to say, "Okay then, thank you for that, have a great day." Faith is to reach out to something hot based on the belief that what God says is true, regardless of what I experience to be real. We like to say that Faith is believing the bible is true without seeing that manifested on earth, to non-Christians, to get them to believe what they can't see, but we don't like it turned around on us. If my experience doesn't line up with the Word of God, and his character found there, it has to be scrapped as a source of truth in my life. Doing that feels a little like reaching out to a fire trusting that it won't burn me. But what if, what if I spent my whole life based on what this world dictates to me to be real? I can't do that. I have to live as though the spiritual realm is actually more real than this place I live, whether I see it or not. I have to live as though what the bible says is true, even if I experience something that doesn't line up with that.
For now, that's a hard road to walk. To maintain belief in what I know to be true of God, even if all around me, it doesn't look that way. God is obviously wanting to teach me something here, and the tradgedy is not that I'm going through a hard time, but rather, that I wouldn't use it to learn more about God and who I am as his child, in the midst of it.
This song, "Won't Back Down" is another Mat Kearney song that's just really pretty, and don't worry mom, doesn't rap at all. Have a listen, it's number 13 on the little player.
You woke the morning up
Running off my darkest night
The longest fight I've seen
Here goes a chance I know
Cashing in on all my chips
Let all my ships come fly
These days, a little bit longer than the last
And all of these ways, a little bit stronger than the past
And your light, found my bottle in the night
Gave me second life, kept me in this fight
And I won't back down
I won't turn around and around
And I won't back down
Doesn't matter what comes crashing down
I'm still gonna stand my solid ground
You found me once and for all
I laid it down in the sinking ground
The hopeless undertow
Singing out the gentle sound
Rattling through my smoking screens
My broken dreams last night
These days, a little bit longer than the last
And all of your ways, a little bit stronger than the past
And all of your light, found my bottle in the night
Kept me in this fight and gave me second life
And I won't back down
I won't turn around and around
And I won't back down
Doesn't matter what comes crashing down
I'm still gonna stand on solid ground
Hallelujah ripped through my veins
I heard the hammer drop
My blood in the rain
Hallelujah came like a train
When all is lost
All is left to gain
And I won't back down
I won't turn around and around
And I won't back down
Doesn't matter what comes crashing down
I'm still gonna stand on solid ground
Hallelujah, hallelujah
I love that he says "I won't turn around and around". Sometimes I feel like I'm doing great, it's okay, I'm going to be fine, praise God, and then the next second, I'm all turned around, and worried and scared. I can't doubt the word of God just because I don't see things happen the way I want, when I want. No matter what, God has my best interest at heart, and I can trust that. Worship always encourages me, and these songs of late, as well as some promises in scripture that I'm standing on, and won't back down from. This is what God says, and that's the end of it.
"There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. He will drive out your enemy before you, saying "Destroy him!" So Israel will live in safety alone; Jacob's spring is secure in a land of grain and new wine, where the heavens drop dew. Blessed are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will trample down their high places." - Deuteronomy 33:26-29
So much for not writing a two page blog.
10:39 AM
I just listened to one of those songs. They are great. Right now I am reading a book "the battle belongs to the Lord" by Joyce Meyer and it is really encouraging me to know that God is the one who fights for us. I am praying for you guys through this all.
4:07 PM
I'm with Robyn on this, but I will read it all tonight!
Love ya!
7:29 AM
I, too, listen to a couple of those songs. Mel, I will pray for you. I belive that God is molding you at this moment and going through hard times sometimes molds us axactly the way he wants us to be. I think we aften have to get rid of all the "stuff" we think is so important and once it is gone we can reach out and hold onto God without being dragged down with that "stuff". So hold onto Him. He will bring you through.
10:14 AM
I will give the songs a listen. Prett y weird to see you post something when I struggle with the same isssues.
10:23 AM
They say that moving is extremly stressful. It is said to be right up there with the stress of a loved one dying (except without the deep grief) Hope your packing goes well :) Glad to hear that those songs have been encouraging to you, especially with everything changing again in your life. Take care Mel :) Lov ya and miss ya ;)