Women's libbers will string me up for this post, I'm sure. Go ahead.
Loren Cunningham (founder of ywam) wrote a book called "Why Not Women?" about releasing women into their callings in leadership. Nice idea, especially in ywam where women outnumber men at least two to one. Women have to be in leadership then. I don't love it, but someone's got to step up, and men don't seem to do that as much anymore. I don't know if women are just getting too dominating, or men too passive, but it sucks either way. In most of my experience, due to whatever reason (read Wild at Heart, there's a few) men seem to back down, because they are attacked by Satan in that he tells them "You don't measure up, and you never will." So they do one of two things, become abusive, or passive. Women get attacked, and either seek more abuse, or become controlling. The passive side of men, and the controlling side of women, scares me. Women can be in leadership, they should be, but they do tend to be a bit controlling when they do. They don't lead as women. They try to be men, and it all goes south from there. I would like to see a real woman leader. But I have this, hmm, calling? to see real men of God again.
I remember that this is why I fell in love with Peter. I told him once, that I would never have told him how I felt about him, and if he hadn't done something, I would have left it. More than anything else, I wanted a Christian guy with a little initiative. Grow a spine. Be a man. I don't want to be the leader, I wasn't made to do it. You were. And he did. He stepped up, I fell in love and the rest is history. He leads like that too, in YWAM. I was amazed at this side of him. There's this quiet intensity about him that gives him authority without him having to say much. I remember this one time, this guy on our India team got in line for food with all of us, and he was in front of all the girls. Peter jokingly said "Hey man, get back here, let the girls go first". He laughed and said no, and stayed where he was. Peter said more firmly, still smiling "Seriously buddy, get back here with the guys. Ladies first" The guy stood up a little straighter and said no, he was fine thanks. Gone was the smile. Peter said very quietly and firmly "Hey. If you are any kind of man at all, you let the ladies go first. Get back here." And that was that.
Chivalry is not a "lost art", it's the sign of a true man. I like having my door opened for me, to have Peter carry things that are heavy. I don't think you'll find a woman who doesn't. It took forever for me to get used to this. My standard response was "No, I'm okay, I can do it." Who freaking cares what I can do? Yes I can lead if I have to. Yes, I can be alone if I need to. Yes, I can carry my groceries up three flights of stairs by myself. But what for? What do I have to prove? Peter's common response to me was, for a long time, "yes, I know you can do it, but I'd like to, if you don't mind." Letting him help me makes him feel like a man. And I want a man. I don't want to do it by myself. Men and women were created for each other. Men are supposed to be the head of the family. The moment that is abused, and isn't done in a sacrificial way, it's gone. The authority they had is toast. But when it's done right, the way God instructs men to lead, there's no reason for me to feel like I need to prove anything. I have no problem submitting to Peter, because he strives to be like this. But if he drops the ball, and I pick it up and try to lead, then we run into issues. I'm not supposed to be the head of this family. The most loving thing I can do to support him, is (gasp!) submit to him. Not lay down dead, but let him lead. Believe that he can lead. If he drops the ball, as is bound to happen from time to time, let him pick it up again. This is HARD for me, and like most hard things, worth the effort.
I want to raise boys with this amazing man I've found. I want to have boys. I actually believe we're having boys, and that maybe, I'll have a little girl last. I was reading about David and his sons a while ago, and so strongly felt that God was going to give us boys first. Weird. I pray for this man I have, that he'll be strong, and that our sons will be like him. That they'll marry girls who will appreciate strong chivalrous men, who sweep women off their feet, and are grounded in who God says they are. I feel so passionately that a lot of what is wrong in society is due to the fracturing of the biblical family, and the absence of real father figures in men's lives. And in women's lives too. Men don't know how to lead anymore. How to commit, and be strong. How to love tenderly, while still being a real man. They've run out of examples. This is my people group, the fractured family. This is my missionary nation, and I'm going. I want to be a part of reaching these families.
Go to this site, listen to the words of the song, "What's a boy to do?" It's a hearbreaking statement about men in this world. It's number seven on the CD player. If you're my mom, and can't ever make out the words in any song but a country song, you can read the lyrics here too. Don't worry mom, this one doesn't rap.
Loren Cunningham (founder of ywam) wrote a book called "Why Not Women?" about releasing women into their callings in leadership. Nice idea, especially in ywam where women outnumber men at least two to one. Women have to be in leadership then. I don't love it, but someone's got to step up, and men don't seem to do that as much anymore. I don't know if women are just getting too dominating, or men too passive, but it sucks either way. In most of my experience, due to whatever reason (read Wild at Heart, there's a few) men seem to back down, because they are attacked by Satan in that he tells them "You don't measure up, and you never will." So they do one of two things, become abusive, or passive. Women get attacked, and either seek more abuse, or become controlling. The passive side of men, and the controlling side of women, scares me. Women can be in leadership, they should be, but they do tend to be a bit controlling when they do. They don't lead as women. They try to be men, and it all goes south from there. I would like to see a real woman leader. But I have this, hmm, calling? to see real men of God again.
I remember that this is why I fell in love with Peter. I told him once, that I would never have told him how I felt about him, and if he hadn't done something, I would have left it. More than anything else, I wanted a Christian guy with a little initiative. Grow a spine. Be a man. I don't want to be the leader, I wasn't made to do it. You were. And he did. He stepped up, I fell in love and the rest is history. He leads like that too, in YWAM. I was amazed at this side of him. There's this quiet intensity about him that gives him authority without him having to say much. I remember this one time, this guy on our India team got in line for food with all of us, and he was in front of all the girls. Peter jokingly said "Hey man, get back here, let the girls go first". He laughed and said no, and stayed where he was. Peter said more firmly, still smiling "Seriously buddy, get back here with the guys. Ladies first" The guy stood up a little straighter and said no, he was fine thanks. Gone was the smile. Peter said very quietly and firmly "Hey. If you are any kind of man at all, you let the ladies go first. Get back here." And that was that.
Chivalry is not a "lost art", it's the sign of a true man. I like having my door opened for me, to have Peter carry things that are heavy. I don't think you'll find a woman who doesn't. It took forever for me to get used to this. My standard response was "No, I'm okay, I can do it." Who freaking cares what I can do? Yes I can lead if I have to. Yes, I can be alone if I need to. Yes, I can carry my groceries up three flights of stairs by myself. But what for? What do I have to prove? Peter's common response to me was, for a long time, "yes, I know you can do it, but I'd like to, if you don't mind." Letting him help me makes him feel like a man. And I want a man. I don't want to do it by myself. Men and women were created for each other. Men are supposed to be the head of the family. The moment that is abused, and isn't done in a sacrificial way, it's gone. The authority they had is toast. But when it's done right, the way God instructs men to lead, there's no reason for me to feel like I need to prove anything. I have no problem submitting to Peter, because he strives to be like this. But if he drops the ball, and I pick it up and try to lead, then we run into issues. I'm not supposed to be the head of this family. The most loving thing I can do to support him, is (gasp!) submit to him. Not lay down dead, but let him lead. Believe that he can lead. If he drops the ball, as is bound to happen from time to time, let him pick it up again. This is HARD for me, and like most hard things, worth the effort.
I want to raise boys with this amazing man I've found. I want to have boys. I actually believe we're having boys, and that maybe, I'll have a little girl last. I was reading about David and his sons a while ago, and so strongly felt that God was going to give us boys first. Weird. I pray for this man I have, that he'll be strong, and that our sons will be like him. That they'll marry girls who will appreciate strong chivalrous men, who sweep women off their feet, and are grounded in who God says they are. I feel so passionately that a lot of what is wrong in society is due to the fracturing of the biblical family, and the absence of real father figures in men's lives. And in women's lives too. Men don't know how to lead anymore. How to commit, and be strong. How to love tenderly, while still being a real man. They've run out of examples. This is my people group, the fractured family. This is my missionary nation, and I'm going. I want to be a part of reaching these families.
Go to this site, listen to the words of the song, "What's a boy to do?" It's a hearbreaking statement about men in this world. It's number seven on the CD player. If you're my mom, and can't ever make out the words in any song but a country song, you can read the lyrics here too. Don't worry mom, this one doesn't rap.
I'm sure that I'm moving to St. Louis
Three long years wondering here in New York City
I guess I'm looking for the right way to do this
I guess I'm looking for the right things to call pretty
Young boys playing in the park turning their backs to take a shot
You know I'll stay sharp around here 'cause they're the stoning and leaving type
It's the kind of love that comes and goes when there's company coming around
What's a boy to do who knows no man now?
What's a boy to do who knows no man now?
Daddy's been looking down his nose at all of them
And I've been looking round for someone to tell me who I am
He kept saying I was too young to finish a fight
I'd die each time they came I never got to draw my knife
Well it was just a pair of shoes in a middle school room with the world watching in
An angel is crying I'm dying just a little inside as they ran away
Funny which words stick around 20 years down when you're driving alone
What's a boy to do when there's no man at home?
What's a boy to do when there's no man at home?
Well I'll stack all my books into perfect rows
From the biggest down to the smallest ones
And I buy all the perfect clothes
Bullet proof and black, where I look like a son
Well it was just a rainy night at his house
A bottle spinning around the room
And everybody's singing and slipping down the bottom of a halfway rush of blood
And I was grabbing Missy but I was trying to find the light switch in the dark
What's a boy to do with no man in his heart?
What's a boy to do with no man in his heart?
It's all quiet for the first time
With no voices left to fall
I saw a boy at the bottom of the bridge
His car was left there on the top
It's four o'clock in the morning
Didn't need to be like this
There's a white sheet left to cover up
What should have been a holy kiss
It's not like those days
It's not like I'm scared of you
What's the Son of Man and a boy to do?
What's the Son of Man and a boy to do?
7:34 AM
Wow! What an amazing, and very true song. I commend you, Melanie, on your post. You have become a pretty mature and Godly woman since going off to YWAM, getting married and moving to the States. You are truely blessed to have a husband who had a Godly father to learn about being a real man and husband. Then there is the fact that you had a pretty fantastic Mom and Dad to learn from as you grew up. Can you imagine growing up like so many of my foster kids do? No father at all, or a man who comes and goes and when present he beats his wife and sometimes his kids. A mother who is forced to do everything and behave like the man who doesn't behave like a man. Where are our children going to be as adults? Thanks for the reality check, Mel.
11:39 AM
Awesome post Mel. I'm having to learn to not be controlling... it runs strong in the Ross women. I have a great set of parents, but even in a whole home, and seemingly a great home, there are always things. My dad had alot of issues with women because of his mother, and wasn't sure how to be a good husband/father because it wasn't modelled well by his father, so for the longest time my mother, with her contolling spirit, would dominate the house. This was what was modelled for me, and I have to be very careful not to let that become my marriage. They've worked on it alot, and have prayed about it, and have talked to me about it... it is tough, especially when I have that tough farm girl/tom boy mentality alot, to have Ryan do things for me, etc... It took a long time to get used to him always unlocking my truck door first, and holding it open for me. I thought it was silly for the longest time, but the few times I'd resist it it seemed to muck things up in some small way, and so I let it happen, and now I'm so used to it, that he always let's me in first, so I'm safe and sound in the truck before he goes to his side.
We need to read Wild at Heart together... I've read it but Ryan hasn't. I loved it. Anyhow, great post Mel. Yes, society needs this reality check.
May God pour out His healing upon the men of our world, and may He heal all the women who've been hurt by men (either passive or abusive) so that they can trust these men of God He builds up. Ahem.
7:45 AM
Well after that post Sarah, all I can say is Amen!! Great post Mel, but then I always love your posts. I am truly thankful that you have the husband you do too. Your kids will very blessed and happy...you should try having some just so we can all see if you guys really will be awesome parents. Now THAT would be cool..:)
9:50 AM
Typical.
10:49 PM
I will pray God sends that man into yours and Lukes lives Robyn.
9:43 AM
I really like your post Mel! I think you have a real gifting for writting. Ever think of writting a book? I think you be so good at it! Just make sure to send me a autographed copy first ;) Okay? Lov ya Mel:)
9:43 AM
Me too. Peter said he's happy to screen boys for you, or rather weed out the boys, and help you find a good man. Help is on the way!! Aww, now Peter feels a little like a super hero!
11:32 AM
holy, we commented at exactly the same time.