Sorry, I'm about to whine a little bit. Feel free to ignore me if you think my issues are small potatoes when compared to yours; you're probably right. But I need to post today and this is all I'm thinking about.
Robyn has a fever and a cough and feels achy. She lives with my mom. Therefore, due to Bella's immune system being suppressed, I can't see my family for approximately a week. More, if any more of them get it. I know that H1N1 is contagious for about a week, from the day before you show symptoms, to about a week after. So if, say, my mom shows symptoms in a week, then I have another week to go. And if, say, my dad shows symptoms a week after that, then I have another week after that. You see where this could start to make me panic?
I'm terrified to go to my own brother's wedding next weekend. Too many people have been sick. What do I do? Sit in the back of the room with Bella in her carseat with the rain cover on, even though we're inside? I don't want her breathed on, let alone held. I'm so scared of her getting this. So scared. Do I just not go? Or go and leave her with Peter at home with some frozen breast milk? I don't know what in the world to do.
On top of all this, I need my mom. I'm tired and scared and I worry incessantly for Bella. I need my mom around. The two weeks she was in Saskatchewan were nearly intolerable for me. Peter is at work for nine hours a day, and sometimes I just need someone here so I can have them hold her while I go pee, take a shower, or sweep the floor. I can't do without my mom for 1-3 weeks. I just can't. And now I have to. I would never forgive myself if I were responsible for Bella getting sick just because I was being a baby and needed to be with my mom for a while. So we're pretty much house bound. I don't take her out in public unless it's necessary, and really, most things aren't. Like taking Peter out for dinner tomorrow night. That was the plan. Our first date night since Bella was born. Something we both "need". My mom and dad were going to watch her. Now I get to call the restaurant and cancel our reservation. Maybe in two weeks or so we'll try again. And I don't want anyone else watching her, because she doesn't really know anyone else and that seems unfair to her too.
This sucks. I want my mom. I want Bella to be off this stupid medicine, and not in 47 days. Today. I want her off today. Or rather, two weeks ago, so her immune system would have had time to rebuild and I could feel like a normal parent, going out for dinner and getting a babysitter. I want to go to mom's group on Tuesday mornings. I want to go to the mall and not have a panic attack when some stranger goes to touch her face. The other day at the grocery store she was crying and a sales lady stood about 10 inches from her face and went on and on about how beautiful she was, and I must be so proud. I didn't feel proud. All I thought was, "who are you? Are you sick? Is your family sick? Did you just come from getting the stupid H1N1 shot? When was the last time you washed your hands? Please back up, back up, back up." I would have told her, but I think she was slightly disabled and I didn't feel like causing a scene. I bolted instead. Threw all my stuff into one plastic bag and got the heck out.
She can't get sick. I'm not being paranoid or overreacting. This isn't the flu to me. This is dangerous. People die from the flu every single year. Not normal healthy adults. People with prior conditions. Like having a suppressed immune system. If she gets it, there's not a thing they can do for her. Her body can't fight it off - I can't even think about what that could mean for her.
I'm so tired. I'm so so tired of this.
Robyn has a fever and a cough and feels achy. She lives with my mom. Therefore, due to Bella's immune system being suppressed, I can't see my family for approximately a week. More, if any more of them get it. I know that H1N1 is contagious for about a week, from the day before you show symptoms, to about a week after. So if, say, my mom shows symptoms in a week, then I have another week to go. And if, say, my dad shows symptoms a week after that, then I have another week after that. You see where this could start to make me panic?
I'm terrified to go to my own brother's wedding next weekend. Too many people have been sick. What do I do? Sit in the back of the room with Bella in her carseat with the rain cover on, even though we're inside? I don't want her breathed on, let alone held. I'm so scared of her getting this. So scared. Do I just not go? Or go and leave her with Peter at home with some frozen breast milk? I don't know what in the world to do.
On top of all this, I need my mom. I'm tired and scared and I worry incessantly for Bella. I need my mom around. The two weeks she was in Saskatchewan were nearly intolerable for me. Peter is at work for nine hours a day, and sometimes I just need someone here so I can have them hold her while I go pee, take a shower, or sweep the floor. I can't do without my mom for 1-3 weeks. I just can't. And now I have to. I would never forgive myself if I were responsible for Bella getting sick just because I was being a baby and needed to be with my mom for a while. So we're pretty much house bound. I don't take her out in public unless it's necessary, and really, most things aren't. Like taking Peter out for dinner tomorrow night. That was the plan. Our first date night since Bella was born. Something we both "need". My mom and dad were going to watch her. Now I get to call the restaurant and cancel our reservation. Maybe in two weeks or so we'll try again. And I don't want anyone else watching her, because she doesn't really know anyone else and that seems unfair to her too.
This sucks. I want my mom. I want Bella to be off this stupid medicine, and not in 47 days. Today. I want her off today. Or rather, two weeks ago, so her immune system would have had time to rebuild and I could feel like a normal parent, going out for dinner and getting a babysitter. I want to go to mom's group on Tuesday mornings. I want to go to the mall and not have a panic attack when some stranger goes to touch her face. The other day at the grocery store she was crying and a sales lady stood about 10 inches from her face and went on and on about how beautiful she was, and I must be so proud. I didn't feel proud. All I thought was, "who are you? Are you sick? Is your family sick? Did you just come from getting the stupid H1N1 shot? When was the last time you washed your hands? Please back up, back up, back up." I would have told her, but I think she was slightly disabled and I didn't feel like causing a scene. I bolted instead. Threw all my stuff into one plastic bag and got the heck out.
She can't get sick. I'm not being paranoid or overreacting. This isn't the flu to me. This is dangerous. People die from the flu every single year. Not normal healthy adults. People with prior conditions. Like having a suppressed immune system. If she gets it, there's not a thing they can do for her. Her body can't fight it off - I can't even think about what that could mean for her.
I'm so tired. I'm so so tired of this.
4:00 PM
I'm tired of it too!! I'm sorry!
7:46 PM
I don't think your issues are small potatoes at all. I just read all your updates about Bella on Facebook, since I wasn't really sure what all was going on with her. All I have to say is WHINE. Whine all you want. If anyone deserves to vent a little, it's you.
It sucks. All the stuff you're going through really sucks. And I have no words of wisdom for you. All I can say is that even though we've never met, I can tell you're a wonderful Mommy and you love your daughter more than anything. So just keep going.
This is your space, come back here and rant all you want. I'll read it.
12:09 PM
This immune system thing was bad enough with my dad, trying to keep all of us healthy for him. I can imagine how it would be with my baby. I hate when people come up to Hannah too and she doesn't have a suppressed immune system. She especially seems to attract snotty children. And she's so defenseless in her car seat.
I am used to being rude about stuff like this with Dad so I seriously tell people, and even children, not to touch her. I do. I don't care. They don't need to.
So just do what you need to do baby! And think of me, who does all that stuff out of sheer paranoia, when you have to do it out of necessity. You can do it!
And you'll make it! It's "only" a few more months! It is too bad about your mommy though. Mommies are super nice to have around. And I know all about worrying about incubation periods and how quickly time can add up when you calculate all the possibilities, so I'm sorry for you. It sucks. Big time. Too bad you couldn't just seal up your mom in a plastic bag or something and take her out whenever you need her. Wait... Would she consider that? Problem solved!
;)
Don't know what to do about the wedding though... Spray everyone with Lysol? What you really need is a bubble for Bella, like on Seinfeld. Actually, I'd like one for Hannah too. (Seriously, I am SO paranoid.)
12:27 PM
I really may use her plastic rain cover....I want to go ... I got her the cutest dress
blast and wretch
11:24 AM
I'm with Becky...I am also SO PARANOID. Sam's immune system is fine, and I strive to be housebound as much as possible. Why do people feel the need to be touching baby's faces? I actually had one woman put her finger in Sam's mouth looking for teeth. I almost FLIPPED!! And that was after shaking hands in church all morning. The germaphobe in me went a little berserk. I'd say go with the raincover!