The doctor said I'm allowed to go to Shawn's wedding. I can't let anyone who is sick touch Bella, but he said that she should be fine, and that she needs to be out with healthy people and not to let myself become housebound. So yay, she gets to wear her dress. Photos to come early next week.
This morning I got up and saw to my dismay, Bella's beta-blocker sitting on the counter. It's supposed to be refrigerated. I had left it out for 11 hours. I called the pharmacy, left a message and told them to call me back, but in the meantime, gave her her dose of medicine.
Went to the doctors office, was told we could go out and headed straight for Grandma. It was nice, I had coffee with Grandma, Auntie Margaret and my mom, and then mom had to go, and as I was getting ready to leave the pharmacy called back. They didn't know if the medication, when left out just became ineffective, or if it actually went bad and became toxic. "Don't give her any more" they told me. I asked how I could find out, and they told me they didn't know. I freaked out, called my doctor here and asked if there was some way I could find out if I'd just poisoned my baby. The nurses there were very nice, and made a bunch of phone calls and kept me on hold. In the meantime I found out that nobody in Nanaimo will make the drug within two days. She can't go that long, so I'm trying to figure out how to get to Vancouver to get more medicine. The nurse at the doctors office finally figures out that the medication is not toxic, and goes to the trouble of finding a pharmacist that will make my medication in Nanaimo, and gives me his name and phone number, tells me to give her the stuff I have until I can get more tomorrow.
Thank God. Another 45 minutes of terror. I thought I'd screwed up and poisoned her. I kept saying, "how could I be so stupid" and finally fell apart in Auntie Margaret's kitchen while Grandma walked Bella around and calmed her down. She doesn't do very well when I'm stressed out. Auntie Margaret hugged me and cried because she felt so sorry for me. Goodness. I'm glad I wasn't alone when I got those calls.
All in all, that was my day. I'm at home with Peter and Bella and our good friend Loren and a good glass of wine, and so things are looking up.
I have too many things in the air and I figured dropping a few, like my housework and shaving my legs, wasn't so bad. But I can't drop some of these. Some of it I have to do just right. I can't screw up, and honestly, I've been a mom for a grand total of 75 days. When it all comes down to it, I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm wading through it as best I can, and I'm scared and my word, I'm so stinking tired. I know it's going to get better, but it's amazing how close I live to the edge of having a complete breakdown. I just fell apart today. Now I'm okay, but I wonder how close I am, what minor crisis can send me back there. I'm tired. She's perfect and amazing and I wouldn't trade one second with her for anyone else's life, not for a moment, but oh my goodness. I'm so tired. The worry is more exhausting than the sleep deprivation by about a hundred times. But both? Both is too much.
What dumb pharmacist says they don't know if I've poisoned my baby, and can't find out for me!?!?! Seriously, you go to school for endless amounts of time. C'mon now.
This morning I got up and saw to my dismay, Bella's beta-blocker sitting on the counter. It's supposed to be refrigerated. I had left it out for 11 hours. I called the pharmacy, left a message and told them to call me back, but in the meantime, gave her her dose of medicine.
Went to the doctors office, was told we could go out and headed straight for Grandma. It was nice, I had coffee with Grandma, Auntie Margaret and my mom, and then mom had to go, and as I was getting ready to leave the pharmacy called back. They didn't know if the medication, when left out just became ineffective, or if it actually went bad and became toxic. "Don't give her any more" they told me. I asked how I could find out, and they told me they didn't know. I freaked out, called my doctor here and asked if there was some way I could find out if I'd just poisoned my baby. The nurses there were very nice, and made a bunch of phone calls and kept me on hold. In the meantime I found out that nobody in Nanaimo will make the drug within two days. She can't go that long, so I'm trying to figure out how to get to Vancouver to get more medicine. The nurse at the doctors office finally figures out that the medication is not toxic, and goes to the trouble of finding a pharmacist that will make my medication in Nanaimo, and gives me his name and phone number, tells me to give her the stuff I have until I can get more tomorrow.
Thank God. Another 45 minutes of terror. I thought I'd screwed up and poisoned her. I kept saying, "how could I be so stupid" and finally fell apart in Auntie Margaret's kitchen while Grandma walked Bella around and calmed her down. She doesn't do very well when I'm stressed out. Auntie Margaret hugged me and cried because she felt so sorry for me. Goodness. I'm glad I wasn't alone when I got those calls.
All in all, that was my day. I'm at home with Peter and Bella and our good friend Loren and a good glass of wine, and so things are looking up.
I have too many things in the air and I figured dropping a few, like my housework and shaving my legs, wasn't so bad. But I can't drop some of these. Some of it I have to do just right. I can't screw up, and honestly, I've been a mom for a grand total of 75 days. When it all comes down to it, I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm wading through it as best I can, and I'm scared and my word, I'm so stinking tired. I know it's going to get better, but it's amazing how close I live to the edge of having a complete breakdown. I just fell apart today. Now I'm okay, but I wonder how close I am, what minor crisis can send me back there. I'm tired. She's perfect and amazing and I wouldn't trade one second with her for anyone else's life, not for a moment, but oh my goodness. I'm so tired. The worry is more exhausting than the sleep deprivation by about a hundred times. But both? Both is too much.
What dumb pharmacist says they don't know if I've poisoned my baby, and can't find out for me!?!?! Seriously, you go to school for endless amounts of time. C'mon now.
10:55 PM
What dumb pharmacist says they don't know if I've poisoned my baby, and can't find out for me!?!?! Seriously, you go to school for endless amounts of time. C'mon now.
I love that you threw that in at the end. It made me laugh. And I agree. Seems like something they should know.
9:33 AM
I'm sorry I had to leave or I would have been there :(
9:38 AM
God promises to not give us more than we can handle. Sometimes he puts people in our daily life to help hold you up for a few minutes while you "fall apart". Grandma and I were blessed to be that for you yesterday. We will keep praying for Bella and for you and Peter. I was once given something beautiful to hold onto while going through hard times. You are "going through". That means that this is not something you are stuck in. Going through means there is an end. Hold on Melanie. This too shall pass.
5:11 PM
Awwww...hugs to you. Soon all this stress will be behind you. Keep your eye on that and just do one day at a time. You are going to get through all this. If you have made it this far you will get the rest of the way. You are a great mommy. You are strong! Yeash...it is just fine to break down and have a good cry. That does not mean that you are loosing it and you won't because you can't. Hugs, wish I lived closer.
5:13 PM
Oh and ya...once I thought that I had totally messed up John's meds! Let me tell you, I know what you felt like.
5:14 PM
Well, I actually did mess up his meds. I thought that he was going to be really sick but it turned out alright.
11:57 PM
I can just imagine how you must have felt, to some extent. I know you and you must have been just about panicking. I know I would have been, too. I'm so glad to hear that you don't have to go to Vancouver to get the medicine, and that what you do have isn't bad for her or anything.